Riverside Chapel Seventh-day Adventist Church

Divorce is painful

There is nothing that will quickly take the pain away, it is something that has to be worked through. If you are experiencing divorce, you are dealing with grief, with rejection, with having your heart broken. Taking away the pain would make you miss out on the growing process that is so necessary to bring about real healing. And you might risk getting into a rebound relationship.

This is the time to work on your personal growth and life stability. The grief you feel is real, normal, and a process that will help your heart to heal. It’s ok to give yourself time to work through this transition. You don’t have to crumble underneath the weight of it. You can learn to grieve and grow

Nothing I do seems right anymore...my life feels like a mess.”

80% of your energy is used processing your emotions. That is why you feel confused, troubled and question yourself. Your self-esteem has been affected greatly. To top everything off – you feel cut off from people because friendships change when a marriage breaks up. You lose some of your couple friends. You feel left out and isolated. You feel depressed because of the divorce and the depression makes you want to isolate yourself. There can even be employment and financial difficulties.

I encourage you to fight the depression that tells you, “I am not worth anything, my life is meaningless, nobody cares about me – I may as well give up.”

Start making choices that will keep you growing in the right direction, working through the grief and getting on with your life.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reads, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

You can experience contentment with Christ. Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-13, "… for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

You are dealing with various issues here: The reality of the death of your marriage, the loss of your spouse, the rejection and betrayal, a broken life and dreams. This is huge! This is hard! But, let me stop to say that this crisis is one you can get through to the other side. This loss is one in which God can bring hope and in which you can become strong in the brokenness.

There is no way that I know to work through the pain of divorce quickly. You would miss the process of character development, the ways God will answer your prayers each day, the way hope and strength will grow slowly back into your life. This will build a stronger foundation in your life and in your spirit. You can discover new blessings, new treasures, and even a new you – if you determine to trust God for each day and each tomorrow.

Christian Divorce Recovery

Those who experience the pain of divorce may feel like the biblical Job, who sat in the ash pile scraping his sores, wondering what had become of his life after he lost his family and everything he held dear. In our society, divorce is an all-too-common means to descend into ashes.

Ashes into Gold: The Journey of Spirituality, is a useful resource for Christian divorce recovery. It is written for those who have experienced the pain of divorce, as well as for others who have descended into the ashes of life. In my years as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have counseled many persons going through divorce. Over time, I have come to realize that, even though these persons experience great pain, in the midst of their suffering God calls them to a new journey in their lives.

Those who have experienced divorce and have found themselves in the ash pile of life are called to the journey of spirituality in the wilderness of change and growth. Make no mistake, the journey is difficult and painful, but on the other side of the wilderness encounter with God awaits the promised land--even though it is so very difficult to see from the ashes.

Ashes into Gold: The Journey of Spirituality, offers hope to Christians in divorce recovery. There is a way out of the pain, though not an easy one. There is new life, but it awaits you on the other side of the wilderness. Those of you who embark on the journey of spirituality and encounter God in the wilderness of change and growth will find that God can turn even your ashes into gold! more . . .

Smiling can both reflect and influence our mood. It can also help deal with the difficult and complex world we live in and reflect a good adjustment to the problems we face including the challenges of rebuilding our lives after divorce. Laughter plays an major role in our society and helps build social support.