Riverside Chapel Seventh-day Adventist

What Kind of Encouragement Does Your Spouse Need?...Continued from page 1
Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg
America's Family Coaches
Encourage him to be accountable. You, as your husband’s wife, must be his main encourager in making God-focused changes in his life, but godly men can also be a strong support for him in the process. Strong Christian friends will encourage your husband to be accountable. Encourage your husband to step close to other godly guys. He needs this kind of connection in his life.

Encourage him to connect with his children. A father needs his children as much as they need him. When your husband gets preoccupied, be there to encourage him to spend him with his children. Remind him to make the most of his time because your kids won’t be under your roof forever.

Encourage him to reach out and grow. Be tuned in to your husband’s need to continue to develop as a man. Encourage him to participate in events that will stretch him or help him grow. It’s true that you can’t force, whine, or nag your husband to be spiritually and relationally thirsty (and you shouldn’t try). But you must make a conscious, daily choice to root for your man. He is thirsty for your encouragement.

How to Encourage your Wife

Understand her wiring. The next time you see two women talking, watch them and listen to them. Notice how connected they sound. For a woman, this kind of connected conversation acts as a stress reliever and even a kind of therapeutic release. While your wife’s friends are important to her, it is absolutely vital that your wife gets this kind of support from you – her husband and best friend. At the end of a long day she wants to be able to share you feelings with you. She’s not looking for solutions. She wants to share her intimate thoughts so that her burdens can be lifted and her emotional ties to you strengthened.

Give her first place. When your wife isn’t first place in your life, she feels overlooked and unimportant. Sometimes what you give first place to may seem so important that you don’t even recognize what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter how you justify it, nothing is more important than your wife or your family. Would you ever think of starving your wife of the food she needs to sustain her physical body? No! But you could be starving her of the very encouragement she needs to survive.

Point out her potential. Affirm the truth about your wife’s abilities. We see with human eyes, of course, but all of us can remind each other of our God-given potential. Do this for your wife. Focus on her strengths, not her weaknesses. Try to see her the way Jesus would see her.

Appreciate her contribution. Take advantage of moments to brag about your wife. In both private and public ways, you need to let your wife know how much she is appreciated. Nothing will encourage your wife more than for you to recognize her sacrifices and affirm her love and devotion to your family. Praise your wife for who she is.

We want to challenge you to find out what encourages your mate – whether it’s a kiss and hug at the end of the day, a word of appreciation when they’ve done something well, or just a note that says ‘I love you.’ Then take what you learn and encourage your spouse frequently, positively and authentically. Your mate needs to hear the voice of God leading and sustaining him or her and your mate also needs to hear you encouraging and believing in him or her!

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